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  • Writer's pictureShannon Heibler

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019)

This was the last film we saw in theaters before the pandemic began in earnest. I had never seen a Fast and/or Furious movie but I knew Ben enjoyed them in a silly, turn-off-your-brain-and-enjoy, guilty pleasure kind of way, and this looked hella stupid/fun, so I suggested we see this for a date night. I still knew nothing about F&F as a franchise (beyond cars and Family (tm)) but Ben assured me I would be fine without that knowledge. I mostly was but wow. What a film this is. I bought it on DVD because it was $5 and I wanted to tease Ben, who did not enjoy it as much as I did.


(I have since watched all of the F&F movies with Ben's guidance and I'm delighted to say I have Opinions about them and they kind of thrill me in a really dumb way. But if they're good enough for Charlize Theron, they're good enough for me.)


Hobbs & Shaw is Too Long. By about half. The best scenes revolve around Ryan Reynolds who has literally nothing to do with the franchise outside of these cameos. Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Jason Statham have almost no chemistry which is shocking given the premise. Vanessa Kirby is so hot and talented and misplaced in this world. There's a curious aroma around this movie (and so many others like it) that is both "NO HOMO, BRO" and very much "OKAY HOMO, BRO" and I honest to god hope that these movies are studied by anthropologists. I also wish there was a little bit of actual sexual chemistry between these two men the way this movie would have me believe there's sexual chemistry.


But, I really like watching Jason Statham do things. I'm not attracted to him, but he makes for terrific fight scenes. He's clearly game and very talented and the most fun I have is in the lead up to his choreo. Big Homer Simpson waiting to see "the little guy" join the fight because you know he's going to do something cool energy. And he's so cool. Just unbothered. And given how much I hate The Rock's chest-thumping bravado (bleh), you get why I'm Team Shaw.




This movie could have had 20% more mentions of "Family (TM)", 40% more Helen Mirren (god I love her character), and 70% less Act III. I love seeing The Rock's heritage but it feels so cheated by how out of place it is in this story.


Fabric, paint, thread, beads.


Takeaways:

-This was fun. I was sluggish to complete it 1)because my birthday celebrations were bountiful this year for which I am grateful and exhausted. I also just didn't feel confident with a line drawing of hands, my nemesis.

-I toyed around with making the bracelets read "Locke" and "Becky" for Ryan Reynolds' character and his nickname for Hobbs but it didn't feel right.

-I loved doing my piece for this weirdly & aggressively heterosexual manly film in a traditionally girly medium. Well, media. What's a better antithesis of muscle men action movies than something people are trading at Taylor Swift concerts?

-Goddamn hot glue and goddamn my inclination to use it.

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